When I think about the most unexpected things to come from motherhood I think of two things: the overwhelming amount of love that I felt for someone I just met, and how it changed my relationship with my husband. I feel as though I’ve emerged from the tiny baby fog stage, and I’ve realized that as I became a mom, my role as a wife was pushed aside. I was so concerned with diaper changes, nursing, and keeping tiny humans alive that my relationship with my husband was pushed to the back burner.
This realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt confused.
I used to plan romantic getaways. I used to surprise him with sweet little gifts. When did I stop doing all of that? And why?
I remember when our son was born, my cousin sent me two books about nurturing your marriage while becoming parents. I remember thinking, “Huh. Is that a thing? I guess I should really read thi-oh! He’s crying! Time to eat!” And that was the end of it. I wish I’d taken the time to read those books because she knew then what I know now.
I understand now that my husband shouldn’t get what’s left of me. Our relationship deserves to be worked on so we can grow together as husband and wife and as parents. So over the past few months I started being more intentional as a wife. Below is a list of 3 of my favorite things that I’ve done.
Start a running list of the things you love about your spouse.
This is kind of like a gratitude journal, but only specifically about your spouse. Really make it personal. I spent about two weeks really observing my husband, and I made a list of things I love about him. Things on the list can be small or big, but really try to be specific. (I love how you watch the kids so I can workout. I love how hold my hand in public, etc.) and then read the list to them. Add to it regularly! This exercise also helps you focus on the things you love about them, instead of the things that can drive you crazy. (We all have those, right?)
Really try to take the last 5 minutes at the end of the day and talk to your spouse.
The end of the day works well for us because the kids are asleep and there are few distractions. I put my phone down and we talk about our days before we sleep.
Make an “I Love You Because…” frame.
My friend told me about this and I instantly knew I had to do it. It is super easy. Buy a frame, print the saying, and put it in the frame. Then use a dry erase marker to take turns writing on it to each other! This is an anniversary gift for my husband later this month (shhhh). The plan is to have it sit on our bathroom counter so it’s easily accessible and something we see first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
If you’ve also just come out of the tiny baby fog and realized that your wife role took a hit, then I hope these ideas help you like they’ve helped us!