One in four women will experience miscarriage or stillbirth in her lifetime.
It’s a staggering statistic, and chances are good either you yourself have experienced one or you know someone personally who has.
You’ve probably read a blog post or two detailing someone’s experience with miscarriage. Or maybe you’ve avoided reading those posts because reading them is just too difficult for you right now.
I’ve read my fair share of miscarriage stories or listened to friends pour their hearts out after living through one. While each and every one of those stories and experiences are unique, there always seems to be a common theme: the woman who went through it describes a devastating, heartbreaking, and painful experience filled with tears, fears, and feelings of immense loss.
In September 2014, I became one of those statistics when I experienced my own miscarriage at about 7 weeks. Sometime later, I learned that two friends had also miscarried right around the same time I did. While I listened to them tell their stories, I felt SYMPATHY for them, but even though I had experienced my own miscarriage at the same time they had, I found I couldn’t really EMPATHIZE with them. As they told me about their devastation, pain, and fear, I wondered if there was something wrong with me.
I miscarried just like they had, but I didn’t feel devastation, pain, or fear. I didn’t even cry. Not a single tear.
Instead, I just felt indifference. In fact, I often forget that it even happened.
While I don’t mind talking about my own experience, I find it difficult to talk about miscarriage with other women who have also been through one (or multiple). As I listen to them tell their story, I usually end up feeling guilty that they did, and still do, struggle dealing with it. So I rarely share my story with them. I mean, who doesn’t feel even the tiniest bit of sadness when they realize a pregnancy/baby they wanted and tried for is no longer going to happen? That’s not normal, right?
One thing I’ve learned during my 30+ years on this Earth, is that feelings and emotions aren’t wrong.
We can’t always control how we respond emotionally to unexpected situations, but no matter how we feel, it’s definitely never WRONG.
If you’re like me and have experienced a miscarriage and felt indifferent about it and didn’t shed a tear, I want you to know:
You are not alone.
There isn’t anything wrong with you or your reaction.
You are normal.